3/04/09

I had a long talk with my sister a day or two ago. She thought it would be a good idea for me to provide closure to this site. I complained that my eyes are shot, having difficulty seeing the screen and keyboard. Also it is difficult for me to get my fingers to do what I want. And by the time I have corrected my opening mistakes I have forgotten where the sentence was going.

She suggested just getting it out there, warts and all. Showing the deterioration as it were - very 'Flowers For Algernon.' But while I have been very open to talking about my problems I have gone to great lengths to mineralize the display of it. The same is true here. This post is done in WordPad at a very high font size. I'm using the laptop's actual keyboard which is harder to use but much easier to see. And I am typing and retyping and redoing and redoing over and over until it is right. And I'm working from a list of points so hopefully I will not lose my way.

It is slow and tedious work, but my sister is right. The site needs a final posting and I am pretty sure this is my last post. Two caveats: every time I say something like that - I'm wrong; and should my mind be intact enough on my birthday I will attempt a closing note then.

In one of a long long line of faulty assumptions it had been my intention that I would reach a point that I would no longer be able to go outside and I would spend my final days reminiscing about my life and typing out what I remembered in the Anecdotes section and fleshing out my time here in Pattaya in this Thoughts section and maybe finish an essay or two.

But what didn't occur to me is that my mind and peripherals would not be up to the task. Also it occurred to me very late in the game that the global financial apocalypse is going to take down this site in a few years anyway.

So what do I want to say? Let's say summaries first:

 

HEALTH:

My attempt at getting in better shape by exercising and eating better ended up nearly killing me. Getting in better shape, energized my immune system, the very mechanism that is trying to dissolve my brain. This kicked the CDS into high gear which drove my body temperature slowly up to over 104F. Even wrapped in wet towels, alcohol wipes, cold packs, I was still burning up. I couldn't think. I really felt that was the end.

I couldn't go out of the air conditioning, day or night.

My body temp had always been high, 101.5, reflecting the progress of the disease. In fact now that I think about it, it has always been higher than normal 99.1F which I guess means this thing has been working in me long before it progressed to a point that it got diagnosed.

Then talking to my mother, she said the human body couldn't run at 104 for very long. In my mind I was just miserable but safe until 106 or 107 cooked my brain. She said I needed to lower the temp. I don't know why I never thought of trying that medically. It just didn't seem like something that could be done. TV I guess, you always see them getting tubs of ice, never injections.

But once she put the idea in my head, I started to slowly research it (my eyes were thankfully more cooperative way back last month) and in a couple of searches it quickly became clear that there is no specific endothermic pill to cool the body but that immune system suppressors were the way to go. In fact I should have been on them for quite a while as far as I can see - a complete oversight on my part. A good reason layman should not be there own primary care physicians.

More Googling brought me to Cyclosporine G. With no way to figure dosage, safety or even trust my own thinking I had to again place my trust in "Dr. Kim" (the man who said he saw no problem with me getting in shape!) and this time, as no special equipment was needed, the much closer Memorial Hospital.

To make a long story short, three weeks in, two injects and now a series of pills later we have killed my immune system. My body temp is bouncing 102.2 to 102.5; warm but much better than 104F. I've been through nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, fatigue, joint pain and the coming and going of a couple of new headaches. They are still adjusting the dosage. And of course I am wide open exposed, in a land I have few natural immunities to, with no immune system, to every germ lying in wait. But let me repeat, not cooking to death.

The attrition list continues to grow:

• Blindness in right eye nearly complete.

• Left eye has lots of dark spots.

• Considerably harder to hear on the phone.

• Numbness in outer two fingers of both hands.

• I no longer have smart days and dumb days. All days it is like thinking through molasses. I seem to figure out conversations a sentence or two behind. I tend not to let on to this.

• I am losing larger and larger blocks of time. Mai confirms that I am often much more abrupt and irritable during these periods.

• Two headaches are with me all the time, another disappears for a couple days a week, and shocky leaps in occasionally to shake things up.

• My short term memory is just about shot. I can only record something in my mind by seeing it or really really trying hard to burn it in.

 

FINANCIALS:

• It became clear that donations was not going to make the amount I needed. To be fair I never fully launched the campaign. Times being what they were I didn't want to inflict asking friends and family for money because of the bind they would be in if they could not donate. It could only do harm, whichever way it went. So I only sent requests out to a select few.

• I had this irrational belief that, dying and all, I should be able to live out my final months in a comfortable style. I held the idea of this entitlement even though I could not afford it and that that type of thinking flies in the face of my belief system. Eventually I realized that if I focused on what was important, being with Mai, I could live in a more affordable place, lower my expenses in a few other areas and was able to construct a budget based on what I had.

• To achieve that, I needed an ending date. My birthday seemed appealing from an irony standpoint (I've always appreciated irony - even engineered irony.) The figures are based on that. But I don't always spend the whole budget each week. And a donation or two still trickles in. Several factors come into play here so bare with me. I don't think I do what needs to be done with breaking away from Mai somewhat. She feels the same way, that a short away period where she could still contact me, but not be with me would help ease her into my being gone. Will that be easier for us? I don't think any path will be easy, I wonder at times, will I be strong enough when push comes to shove? I am tired and worn out, so I think so.

• Anyway, all that taken into account: metaphorically I will be dead after my birthday. Then I will take whatever money I have saved up, and have whatever party my body lets me indulge in until the money runs out. As I would like that to be in the Marriott I doubt it will longer than a week, possibly only half that.

• If I want to impart anything about my end it is that I have a good run. While it shortened my life, this disease woke me up and made me live. If I had remained well, I would have worked until I had a heart attack without ever having had done much. I've experienced more this year then from after college on. I have no complaints.

 

THE SHOP

• Most of my limited remaining mental efforts will be going into helping Mai's massage shop become self-sufficient. I know she had several factors in opening it, but a major one was the belief that money was the major determining force in the length of my life. She was trying to give us more time. Of course a business can't make money that fast but she was operating from desperation not rationality.

• The sad thing is the idea is actually sound and is already doing fairly well, but I worry she does not have the capital to get through low season. It only requires 20 massage hours a day for the shop to be doing very well. At half that it will limp along. So I figure get the basic promotionals in place and that gives her the best shot. After all, if she loses this, she has lost all her assets.

• Lee Stringer - I'll make a serious attempt at getting back to last month and fleshing out what I remember of his visit. He deserves that. - has become a patron saint on the shop. He bought us a washing machine, and helped a great deal while he was here. Hopefully he can keep an intermittent eye on the place after I am gone.

 

FINAL WORDS

• At various places in Thailand I bought cards, planning to write my love ones with whatever was left unsaid. My blog to the contrary I am not good with this type of thing and I just don't see it happening.

• So, just know that I love you all. I think being a loner is partially in the genes so i hope I don't have to apologize too much for not being much of a family member.

• Brad, I am sorry I was not strong enough of character, to attempt to mend or confront the rift between us. It was just much too much easier to remain in the dark.

• Jia, thank you for taking on all the details I was no longer able to handle. You removed a great deal of stress from my last years and this trip to Thailand would not have been possible without you minding the store as it were.

• Mom, you probably know me better than anyone, not sure what I would have done if you had gone before me. Thank you for holding on.

• Lorne, I hope you forgave me for moving away, you were like a brother to me. Some of my strongest laughing memories have you in them (and not always as the butt <g>)

• Shaun, Marilyn, Joe Bob, Mary K, and Dan, I could not have made it through my time in Florida without you. Strange how lives touch lives for such ethereal reasons. I love you all and count myself lucky to have known you friends.

 

COMMUNICATING:

• emails are not easy for me, but I do enjoy them. emails without questions are usually read but not responded to. emails with lots of questions overwhelm me, and I tend to delay it response and then it is 50-50 whether I will remember to get back to it. It you have a lot of questions, you stand a better chance if you break it into a lot of emails. All emails with three or less questions are almost certainly answered.

• As much as dislike phones, they are becoming easier than email. There is no way to call me directly, but it you email me your phone number, I will call you. Remember the 12 hour time zone difference and include the latest and earliest times to call. I warn you, my thinking is slow and I am weak, all this comes through in my voice. I sound ill, so if you don't want you last memory to be thus...

• You can still send cards or packages until around April 10th. A link to my mailing address is at the bottom of every page of the website.

• Donations toward my Parting Party Bash should be sent before April 20th if by credit card, April 10th if via Mary K.

Well that is about half of what I wanted to say but most of the rest really fits back on February, so I will try to work on that next time I have the strength. Other than that don't expect anything here other maybe a goodbye note on my birthday.

Oh, and sorry that I was right about the economy all these years.

3/08/09

3/09/09

When you aren't going to live long, you stop buying things. The only things I buy are consumables: movies, food and drink. Today I needed a photo for my passport renewal. This meant a trip to the photo shop. There are several closer to the condo, but I do not deal well with change so I went down to the other end of Soi Boahkoaw to the one I knew.

Having Passport Renew, Jomtien Visa Renewal and Cambodian Border Visa Run all coming up before May and all requiring different sized photos, I decided to get all three sizes done at once. I also brought a flash drive with a picture of my happy place resized to be 8" by 10". I asked the price and was able to be it printed and framed for under 200 baht. Much cheaper than I thought and a quick sale.

A new possession. The printed version causes the same feeling of peace in me as it does on screen. Mai surprised me by very much wanting it when I am gone. She is getting the little left that isn't already hers anyway, but that she wanted it pleases me.

•••

I called Mary K a few days ago and in the process of a very long conversation she took on the task of trying to drum up a little cash for my final bash. She emailed promises from a few people, but what came through was a donation from Chewbacca. Yes, the Chewbacca from Star Wars. You know, I really have lived a strange life. And thanks, Peter.

3/10/09

Today is my trip to Bangkok. The taxi is set to arrive at 7am, so the alarm is set for an hour earlier. I awake to find Mai sitting up in bed staring at me. Seconds later the alarm rings. It's not often my internal clock works like it used to. The whole awakening has a very odd feel to it.

I wasn't sure that an hour would be enough time for both of us to get ready, but we were with minutes to spare. Mai has been having trouble sleeping, enough so that she took .5mg of Xanax for seven nights straight. When I found this out I made her stop, it doesn't take much to get addicted to this stuff. I'm amazed that they don't have more trouble with it, selling it over the counter like they do here. Then again maybe the price helps curb that problem. Anyway she didn't sleep at all last night.

We stop at 7-11 for liquids and some of those large pork dumplings. This will have to do for breakfast for both of us. Mai sleeps much of the way. I try to read newspapers and stare out the window. The ride seems much quicker than last time, I think I lost some time along the way.

They have changed where the entrance to the US embassy is, and how the maze runs for where we have to go. It is a much longer walk than previously but clearer in signage and easier to figure out where to go. We end up right back in the same ACS room as last time.

In Jomtien the Thai clerk had made me get a different picture because I blended into the white background: white shirt, white face, light hair. So this time I had gotten dark blue backgrounds. Of course, the US clerk wants a white background. I look at the form, this is not mentioned anywhere. She says it is mentioned on the website. I guess the Thai way is sinking in, the inanity of that response does not upset me. I ask where to go to get a proper one and am given directions which I have her repeat to Mai.

Back through the maze and outside we somehow acquire a guide to get a photo, he takes us in the opposite direction of the instructions. We follow him, but balk when he wants us to cross the main - and very busy - road. He takes up the street a bit more to a small second story studio where someone takes my picture and 160baht (twice the Pattaya price) I have a new white background picture - four actually as that is how they come.

Back at the embassy the passport renewal form is put in the slot marked cashier and after a little confusion I figure out I am supposed to return to the ACS (American Customer Service I finally find out) room. My name is called about 15 minutes later. I was supposed to do to the window marked cashier, not the slot marked cashier.

A year in Pattaya has immuned me to things like this. I though the first clerk had said $35 which was a surprise as I was expecting $98. I even had secured a $100 bill just in case they didn't take bahts (I've learned to anticipate the absurd.) The clerk at the cashier window asked for $75. Still better than $98, but I wonder if I misheard the first clerk, where I got the idea of $98 and whether they just make the price up as they go along.

Now receipt in hand, I put passport, photo, form and receipt in the cashier slot, return to the ACS room and wait for my name to be called. Twenty minutes later I am called to the window my old passport is returned to me and told I can now leave and return in two weeks to pick up my passport. I explain that I am in Pattaya, so is that a real two weeks or a Thai two weeks. She replies to give it three to be safe.

On the way out, we return to security to recover our cell phones. There is a long wait while they try to find the possessions of the person in front of us, which appears to misplaced. Eventually someone else notices the backlog of twenty of so people in line and another person comes over to wait on us and seconds later we have our cell phones.

Mai calls our taxi - who has been hovering our there somewhere - as we walk over the the overpass to get to the otherwise of the Wireless Road. He arrives seconds later and we return to Pattaya. All that and it is only 1pm. Mai returns to work where she sleeps most of the day.

•••

I work on finishing up some designs for business cards and a brochure for the massage shop that have languished mostly done in the computer for quite some time. Mai does not seem to put the same importance on advertizing as I do.

I take a flash drive to the printers and have then make some mockups. 1850 baht for two sets of 100 business cards and 60 brochures. She can pay me back if they work like I expect. The brochures will be glued to the square concrete streetlights in all directions of the shop around three blocks around.

If we buy in bulk we can get them from another shop for much less and much better quality, but we have to buy a 1000 or more. I return to the well of Lee to see if it is dry yet.

3/12/09

I month or two ago I broke my eyeglasses. The hinge, which was a circle of metal off the stem became a third of a circle. If I had taped or glued it then everything would have been fine. But as it could be hooked into placed and it stayed put and only fell off once a week or so, I ignored it. Then it turned into in a half circle and wouldn't stay connected at all.

I tried electrical tape but the stem slide out about each day. Elephant glue (a variant of Crazy glue that doesn't turn solid in the tube after one use) fixed the problem. For a week it was perfect, then a masseuse tried to hold them and it snapped again. Now it was a quarter of a circle. Glue again.

It lasted a month this time until the middle of last month - little more than a nub left. The glue never gives up, but the hinge with the integrity of the circle gone, keeps shedding little bits.

And yesterday, I was cleaning the lens a little too vigorously and bam, nothing left but the stem. I couldn't find the glue (we have moved since i used it last) but Mai went round the corner to 7-11. It was tougher getting the stem to stay in place without the hinge to work with, and I had to use the electrical tape too.

Now the reason I bring all this up, is that I didn't connect the breaking of my glasses with the trouble with my eyes. Today, I could see almost as good as I could a couple months ago. Each time the glasses broke, the repair changed the angle of the lens a little and with my strong prescriptions that makes a huge difference apparently.

Anyway typing is still a job of typing then correcting what I mistyped. But with site, that process becomes bearable and I am posting again (see - whenever I say 'never' something changes). The days between cartoons and now are written today.

•••

At the massage shop, workers come and go with random abandon. Boyfriends come into town (some girls juggle many) or they go with them to their country, only to return a few weeks or a month later. Various tragedies crop up causing long or short time sabbaticals. Luckily new girls seem to appear as well, also randomly. At the moment though fate has conspired to bring us down to two girls when we were sailing fine with five finally just days ago. This means Mai has to be cashier, so she can be third girl if needed.

This means hooky days are limited to the weekend when Lumyai (who has magically learned massage somewhere in the last couple months) visits. She will also be here for all of April so mai and I can spend our last month together together.

Mai leaves for work while I am still on the computer. It is eleven, I often don't eat until 1pm now a days. My appetite has been greatly diminished by the assault on my immune system. If I didn't need to eat to take my medicine I might forget meals altogether. Thankfully I still enjoy the experience of eating.

The meds also seem to have killed my sex drive. I once thought that that would be a blessing, especially as the body is so unwilling to cooperate in such matters. Turns out the sex drive seems to be the major motivator in much more of life than I realized. I take much less interest in much of what is around me, noticeably related to sex or not. I am fighting that withdrawal, and trying to force myself to look outside myself; notice the world again.

Speaking of which today I have to return to the hospital for more fine tuning. I am supposed to be there at 5pm but I figure I'll go find somewhere to have breakfast and then see if I can't get the blood work done earlier so that my regular appointment is the fine tuning rather than the start of the blood work and three hour wait.

It is beautifully overcast, dry and very breezy as I leave the building. On soi Boahkow I discover that my favorite brand of canned coffee has finally been restocked at the closest Family Mart. As I had bought the last can in town a few days ago and had been forced to switch to a far inferior substitute, it had thought it had been discontinued from both Family Mart and 7-11. Now I assume it was a supply problem and that it will reemerge everywhere. Here is to hoping. I bought one can on sight and would be the other 8 cans upon my return. Better safe than sorry.

Walking down the road, where I had planned to have breakfast was closed, so I decided to try someplace new. Nothing caught my eye as I dodged mobile vender carts, basket ladies, and of course the multitude of motorcycles popping around all sides of obstacles.

Eventually I spotted 18 Coins Restaurant across the street. Everything is always across the street - this is because it is easier to look across the street while keeping an eye on everything that is trying to trip you or mow you down than it is to turn your head away from danger to look next to you. 18 Coins probably caught my eye because the first place I stayed in Thailand (way back in Bangkok) was called 13 Coins Hotel and for some reason I remember it fondly.

It is a nice looking place. Service was a bit slow but i think they were involved with a big room service order or something like that. I ordered Chicken and Cashew Nuts as that has become my restaurant measuring dish. The food was not bad but uninspired and nothing to write home about. The portion was huge - I am starting to understand my mother's aversion to being presented with too much food.

While an open air place, there was a fan overhead and nice breeze just reaching but not bothering me. I was very comfortable, though I dislike eating alone. I ate slowly and watched the street trying to see everything there was to see in the little stretch unblocked to my eye. First the people, and then the buildings beyond which would suddenly and shockingly appear to me as if previously hidden. One of which was a much more interesting restaurant that I must have been standing right in front of before crossing the street. I wondered if I would be having the same thought in reverse if I had noticed and gone in there.

After breakfast I walked to the hospital and had no trouble getting them to take and process my blood. It was 1pm, I could return at 5pm.

•••

What to do in the interim?

Okay this is going to sound strange, so I have to do a lot of preferencing and I'll play the mental illness card up front. It starts with a newspaper article a few weeks back in one of the three English language papers in Pattaya on that the tourists should not think that all the Thai women were for rent. The article was written in such a way to imply that the vast bulk of them were good God fearing folk and not vile whores. Though it did condescend to say that even the vile whores should be treated with respect just like real people. The article was not quite this blatant, but the gist was clear.

The tone being so external to the culture of this area and the basic supposition being so at odds with my own observances that the article stuck in my mind and my craw (whatever that is.) And today I had time to kill.

But first a brief history and culture lesson - reminder: brain damage - this could be miles off of reality. As I understand it that are several different cultures at play in Thailand (just like America.) Skipping the south, the two main influences are the traditional Thai/Buddhist philosophy. With no Christian influences to try and put 'sin' in 'sensation' they separate sex from love. That is to say, 'having sex' and 'making love' are two very different things. Another way to put it is that the entire Thai culture thinks like a man when it comes to sex, only guiltless as there is no other viewpoint.

Now enter Northern Thailand or Essarn. This was originally part of Laos, and the Laotians were 'colonized' by the French and the native Buddhism had Catholicism grafted onto it. A Buddhism with a heaven and hell. How this is reconciled with reincarnation I do not know. And I do not claim much understanding of Buddhism anyway. The point is that there is some guilt toward sex for the Essarn. And that part of Laos became Thailand. Not sure how or when. Now this is mostly very poor territory, and so at least half of the trade here in Pattaya is from Essarn. Ask girl where she is from and odds are she will say Udon Thani, Khon Kaen, Nong Khai or some where near there. I can pretty much tell just talking to a local girl if she is from Essarn or Central Thailand.

The poorer girls of Essarn charged by Thai culture with supporting the family are often sent to Pattaya and Bangkok to make 'good' money. Those that can handle it take to the sex trade as that is the easiest way to make the most money and possibly find a farang husband to take over this responsibility. Others go into massage, retail, etc.

So the point is that those that might have a problem with being rented would probably be amenable regardless as they need to send money home to the family. And those that are local are not likely to have a problem with making a quick baht.

So in the back on my mind for the last couple weeks I was formulating a test. Was the paper right, or my observations right? While hardly a scientific test, my plan was to walk up to women I found appealing. I would ask her age (not offensive here) because without keen eye it is tough to tell a 15 year old from a 35 year old. Twenty was my cut off age.

If of age I would then see if they would agree to go with me for a 800 baht. I would not play the illness card, and in fact give them little or no information about myself other than that I found them sexy and must have them. I would not press beyond the offer other to allow haggling as the culture pretty much demands that. I set a limit of a 1000 baht and would offer to go into a 'back room for a short time' if they were unable to get away. If my English was not understood universal hand gestures and shows of baht bills would be employed. If they agreed, I would let play out just long enough to make sure I was understood and then remember a pressing engagement.

Now I realize that this is somewhat cruel as these are poor people and I am dangling money and then taking it away, so I would give them 100 baht for their time and leave.

Now back home I be arrested or assaulted by at least the second try, but here this is an expected and accepted practice. I was respectful but did not dilly dally either.

Realizing that picking only what I was attracted to skewed the experiment so I tried to  correct by avoiding anything that even looked like a bar girl or sex worker. Anyone wearing 'whore-wear' - pants made of belt with a single stitch turning it into a shorts, or short short jeans molded only to butt. Shorts are harder to describe, but as the good old judge said "I know it when I see it." [I wonder why tube tops have not caught on here? Every other type of 'liberation' wear from the seventies and early eights seems to be in ubiquitous use here. Perhaps it is that they almost all wear bras. Lack of bra is very much frowned on, even here in the heart of Pattaya.]

I spent a good deal of time deciding whether to keep my wedding ring on or not. In the end I decided to, not sure which way that skewed the results.

Okay, so here I am with three hours to kill and this idea in my head and no sex drive to confuse me. Now there was one more thing to consider. If word got back to Mai it would look to her friends like I was butterflying around and she would lose face and be hurt regardless of my actual actions or motives.

There is not much of this city she has not worked or has friends. To place it safe I had to baht bus outside of the central section a little.

For my own safety and comfort I only approached women that were alone. I was far less nervous on my opening attempt than I expected I would be. I have always contended that the prettiest young women here work in the laundries. I don't know why this is. But seconds off the baht bus there was a lovely young lass putting towels on a sun rack just off the main soi.

I approached, asked her age. No English. Pointed to myself and 'see jet' Thai for four seven. She was 24. A few gestures crass by my cultures standards and the flash of 800 baht later and she was trying to explain that she could not leave but would a blowjob inside the shop be acceptable? Let her lead me inside, then slap my forehead, look at my non-existent watch, put a look of sorrow and regret on my face and say in ununderstood English that I forgot I had to be somewhere. I handed her a 100 baht and hurried down the street. the experiment had begun.

It got progressively easier after that. I had planned on a sampling of ten approaches disregarding any that were too young. The results surprised even me. I was expecting about 80% success (the article implied I would see the inverse and some scorn.) What I got was 100% success, almost no hesitation beyond understanding what I asking, and I was done in under an hour and fifteen minutes. Three laundry girls, an Optometrist, a 7-11 clerk, a waitress, two richly dressed women on baht busses and two women just walking on the sidewalk.

It seemed too fast, too easy, I had too much time still on my hands and 100%, even though it made my point, just didn't sit well with me. Obviously social status and financial means would play a large factor, and I had no way of really meeting them. Still I decided to continue as long as time allowed and try to pick richer looking women. of course richer might mean a more successful entertainment professional but hopefully I could tell the difference.

Picked out a well dressed customer in a jewelry store. She spoke decent English, that makes things easier yet for me also makes me feel more off balance (like I'm doing something wrong.) She actually asked the clerk if there was a fitting room she could use - for us but the clerk could not follow our conversation. She didn't even haggle, time seemed to be her only concern, but she did give me the most trouble when I backed out. Refused the 100 baht and - I think - cursed me in Thai. I took a baht bus to another part of town.

The next girl turned out to be just that, sixteen. Completely off balance I considered just accepting the win and heading back to the hospital, when a very smartly dressed middle aged attractive woman stepped out of what I think was her house. She couldn't come with me but did have an hour or so to spare inside. #12, and still a 100%.

Very long story only very long, sixteen and 100%. I stopped when i realized that I had blown way more than the daily budget (would have to steal from the medical budget) 100 baht at a time. And also I must admit that sex drive or no, that last one was very temptingly hot. If I have had enough money left, I'm not sure I would have walked away. I like to think so as I am trying very hard to be loyal to Mai until after my birthday, but I really don't know. That is the danger of this sexual candy store and why most of the Essarn bred women are jealous types.

Anyway 18 attempts, 2 called on account of age, the other 16 agreed. I feel like I should submit this to the newspaper if I could remember which one the article was in. Then again despite its attitude this is not the image Thailand wants, so why rub it in their faces?

•••

The overcast had passed and the sun was again a laser. This made me realize that I had lost my hat somewhere along this adventure. No chance retracing my steps or wanting to reshow my face, so that is finally lost. Frankly I am surprised I was able to keep it this long. But it a tough find, finding a cap my size with no advertizing or saying on it. Hopefully it won't be too tough to replace.

Back at the hospital they had pills already for me. Other than the name the rest of the bottle was in Thai. Never saw a doctor, don't know if they raised or lowered the dosage. And I don't know which way would make me feel better or worse. Pill looks different though so I figure they changed the dosage one way or other. I just hope I won't feel as fatigued.