12/01/06

The harder you stare the more it writhes...

12/09/06

Usually when I haven't posted for a while I am struck by how long it has been. This time I am surprised that it's only been two weeks; feels like at least a month since I last sat at this computer.

I've been really pushing my brain trying to learn enough HTML, javascript and Ajax to get the job done. I've been working on several fronts in an attempt to get some revenue coming in. It looks like eBay's push to enforce its rules is going to be permanent this time. When I came to an understanding of how they were doing it, I saw how easily it could be maintained and how even if we adapted, they could adapt pretty fast too. While there had never been exactly a sense of security that income would continue at any given moment on eBay, now even that illusion was gone. With no reserves in the bank my only source of survival is a rather hefty credit line. Not a long term solution and a pretty bad short term solution.

I began to really explore my fall back positions. I figured I had three, New Mexico (MK), Shaun, and the Island. All require additional plans to make them workable. None are what I truly want, which is to live in this house until I am no longer living. So these last few weeks I have pushed through a rather sluggish brain to work toward that end. My successes in reducing my overhead have been small but each one still feels like a victory.

While I have made no headway on actually getting income in the door, I have three plans for that. One involves my old friend DVDs, with which I have had the most success this last decade and a half. To that end I have been spending as much time as possible learning about coding websites, and as of two days ago, finished the opening form of www.jennyvision.com. Please take a quick glance, I'm rather proud of it. And if you know someone really into movies, please send the link to them as well (every bit helps at this moment.)

This week I will learn the art of promoting websites. A prong of that plan is to have another auction house presence. I was going to go with iOffer but it seems their response to the influx of new sellers fleeing eBay was to rewrite and hopelessly mangle their user interface. I found it nearly impossible to create an account and was unable to post an auction without it endless breaking down. So now I am looking at www.sell.com, which looks possibly promising.

I've a bit more to catch you up on, but I'm not feeling the hottest today. It sounds dumb to say "I'm ill," but I think I've caught something flu-like and I'm going to go rest the day away. I'll post more tomorrow.

12/12/06

I have always loved Gilbert & Sullivan and in particular the Mikado. Live and on tape, I think I have seen eight different performances. So this night I am watching a wonderful movie called Brick. And there in the deleted scenes is a scene in which Nora Zehetner tickles the keys of a piano while slowly and dramatically pours out this poem:

              The sun, whose rays
               Are all ablaze 
                    With ever-living glory,
               Does not deny
               His majesty--
                    He scorns to tell a story!
               He don't exclaim,
                    "I blush for shame,
                    So kindly be indulgent."
               But, fierce and bold,
               In fiery gold,
                    He glories effulgent!

                    I mean to rule the earth,
                         As he the sky--
                    We really know our worth,
                         The sun and I!

               Observe his flame,
               That placid dame,
                    The moon's Celestial Highness;
               There's not a trace
               Upon her face
                    Of diffidence or shyness:
               She borrows light
               That, through the night,
                    Mankind may all acclaim her!
               And, truth to tell,
               She lights up well,
                    So I, for one, don't blame her!

                    Ah, pray make no mistake,
                         We are not shy;
                    We're very wide awake,
                         The moon and I!

It completely transformed the feel and meaning of this piece I have heard a hundred times into something wonderful and powerful. It was really quite amazing.

12/13/06

I have to some degree become bored with this website. It is not becoming what I had wished for. The Anecdotes that do come out no not convey any real feeling of the events told. And the important events refuse to come out at all. Meanwhile this Thoughts section reads like a laundry list to me. Very little of interest happens in my life as I barely leave the house. While some of what happens in the house is interesting and entertaining to me, it sounds boring to others. And those the entries feel forced. And the interesting thoughts that cross my find, rarely get retained long enough to make it to the page. Lastly the Anecdotes from Others section which I had high hopes for, both in conveying more of the essence of me and in sparking my own memories or wonder, has received very little activity.

However, one very positive aspect of it has started to bear fruit. It has allowed people I've lost touch with get in touch with me. This week brought two emailants from my past: Laura Sequeira, and Lisa Volz (now calling herself Leisa Von Volz). Such emails usually only last a round or two. I think my lack of emotional range is exaggerated when put in print form, and that dampens peoples inertest. This is just a guess, it could also be the honesty.

Lloyd and Uncle Charlie are down in the Daytona Beach area (a mere rocket propelled stones throw away). Lloyd is leaving in a few days, but Uncle Charlie will be down for an entire month. They came by for a brief visit. I wish it had been longer or that I had been more in the moment, but a visit from Lloyd is always pleasant no matter the circumstance.

12/14/06

Christmas Card from Lorne and Family. The part of Lorne and Lisa are played by stuffed Santa and Dog (not to be confused with live Santa and Dog also featured in photo.

I was having breakfast down at Gram's. A rare divergence from my poverty diet that I usually only take on weekends, when in reading the paper I caught Skype's announcement that they were offering long distance from computer to land line phone for anywhere in the US and Canada unlimited usage for $14.95 pre year. Tracy had used Skype to communicate with home when she visits and had been very pleased with the service. But this was back when it was computer to computer only, and I have too many friends that are Luddites.

This was too good a deal so I went home and hooked it up; a process that was remarkably and amazingly simple. I've had to order a proper headset, but am able to make do in the interim with some cobbled together parts. So $14.95 for the service, $27.95 for new headphones, and $20 for a emergency pay as you go cell phone (in case the car breaks down) and I can drop the $48 a month I'm paying for my current cell phone. All that and I'm getting better service too. If I've made it sound like something to have, there is one catch - you have to have a high speed internet connection.

12/15/06

I don't often talk about my transitory symptoms. For the most part they are boring, and will be gone the next day anyway. But this was unique and interesting enough to try to convey. I think I'm going to start referring to these as one day events (or ODEs if that catches on with me) to differentiate  from the persistent symptoms.

When I woke up, I knew something was off, but I didn't have the words to describe what was happening. The best I had, at first, as that everything was vibrating visually. But that really didn't describe it. It was more something like vibration and the effect of heat distortion. But again that wasn't it. Next I noticed that it wasn't equal. The effect was much more pronounced on some objects than others. The carpet for instance, changed color and texture but was very subdued compared to some of the other objects in the house. My headset, was almost unchanging. The images on the TV were a mass of shifting shapes and headache inducing. However with effort I was able to work very simple tasks on the computer, but again the strain was not bearable to do so. Reading was impossible beyond a few hard fought for words.

I drove over to Shaun's. Driving was not difficult, I wasn't sure what all the cars were, but I knew where the were and the since the object is to avoid hitting all objects that wasn't a problem (streetlights would later turn out to be an unanticipated problem conquered by paying attention to the actions of the other cars and a little planning to never be first in line.) Line the carpet, the street was largely just the street.

While at Shaun's, I became mesmerized by a pair of wooden batons and I began to glimpse what I think was happening. I believe my brain was not handling pattern recognition properly. For instance, the drum sticks were drum sticks, knitting needles and ears of corn - all at once - morphing from one to the other faster than the eye could follow. Vibrating but not vibrating. Changing shape, but not changing shape. Were this something I'd have to suffer through every day I think it would drive me mad, but as an ODE it was very entertaining (which was good as all my other entertainment avenues where cut off from me) and interesting.

Later Marilyn brought over a huge plate of Turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy of which I ate the whole thing and prompting passed out for a few hours.

12/16/06

I had my first sale on Sell.com today. It was followed rapidly by a second that has been finalized but not yet paid for. Considering that I have only had 5 auctions (excuse me 'ads') up for less than a week I find that quite promising. I will use the money from that to put up 2 more ads per day for awhile. It's not exactly the turning of the tide, but it is the seed of that all important hope for the future. Hopefully I will be able to use these and future sales and push traffic into JennyVision (to which I made some very nice (if I don't say so myself) changes to the look and feel) which come Monday I will be adding a minimum of 5 titles per day (on days my brain let's me use the computer).

12/17/06

Mom arrived today. Marilyn had gone to pick her up and everything must have gone smoothly because she was here sooner than I would have thought possible. The day's worth of traveling - car to boat to bus to plane to car - had taken its toll and she quickly settled in and went to sleep. My whole life for the last month or so has been been working on my DVD website; it's good to have her here.

12/20/06

Mom has spent the last few days recovering and I have pushed on with the website, trying to enter five new titles per day. Today, I am feeling too good and am too bored with it to stay in. So we go up the road to Blue Springs State Park. They have thankfully added a lot to the handicap access of the boardwalk and ramps and she is also able to get around easier as well, so the park doesn't offer too much of a challenge. The weather is perfect for me, although a bit too humid as I have neglected to bring a towel to wipe away the sweat.

There aren't a lot of Manatees about today but there are a few so Mom gets to see some. We also saw a bird doing some very strange wing flapping motions over and over and over again. It looked very artificial, and we stared at it for a long time trying to decide if it was real or not. Then a fellow tourist told us it was a type of bird that didn't have waterproofing and had to sit and dry its wings before it could fly again. I wonder how they survive sudden showers? While we didn't attempt the walk to the springhead we took in the rest of the sites, and mom stopped and read every information sign. All and all it was a very pleasant outing.

12/21/06

Today was what my mother called one of my bad days. Personally I thought of this as a frustrating day. It was almost impossible to get words from my brain out my mouth. This combined with her hearing was a bad combination and I quickly gave up trying. Later in the day I learned I could write and type; it would have been a much better day if I had thought to check that earlier. My perception of balance was also impaired so I kept feeling like I was falling forward.

It just makes me think about outward perception, as she sees this as the only bad day I've had, where as I won't really call that one a bad day. But since she has been here, I have had two days where I have been very - more than usual - sensitive to sound and suffering from constant stabbing pains in the brain because of it. Those I consider bad days.

12/22/06

There were two movies this year that stayed in my mind longer than it took to return mail the DVD. One was "Thank You for Smoking" and the other was "Hard Candy." The sad thing about the latter was that I was getting the feeling that I was the only one that had seen it. Thus it was a very nice surprise to read this article on the right. And if you, like most of America, haven't seen it - see it. The performance is amazing and unlike most of the fluff out there it has staying power in the mind long after the viewing.

12/23/06

It is part of my Saturday and Sunday ritual - I seem to be becoming more and more about rituals as my mind slowly continues to decline - to have breakfast at Gram's Restaurant. I always have the same thing and I'm in and out - full - for under $5, tip included. Mom was feeling spry enough to join me, so she got to meet everyone. Getting there before 9 on Saturday usually means that the place is quiet and uncrowded. But the Holiday season has messed that up and the place was packed. Had I been thinking, I would have gone for the courtyard but I'm unused to considering that as it is usually too warm to sit outdoors. I opted for the side room. We had a fine time and I was unable (just) to finish my meal.

12/24/06

Mom got a call from Ceelio, who I think is no longer her tenant but acting as a translator for his friends who still are. The upshot of the call being that the tenants might be forced to move out (lack of work) without warning. When informed that this would cause my mother to cut short her visit, he was going to try to get them to stay one last month. He was going to call back the day after Christmas (as of this typing we have not received that call) and let us know.

12/25/06

I woke up an hour early for no known reason.

My mother slaved over a traditional turkey dinner with practically no intervention from me other than to occasionally act as muscle. Because we were not doing presents, and it was just her, me and Uncle Charlie, she said it was one of the most relaxing Christmas preparations for her.

The only snag was that we had no flour in the house to make gravy (Mom wasn't feeling brave enough to experiment with my arrowroot) so I left a half hour early for my drive over to Daytona to get Uncle Charlie. All that was open was gas stations. A CVS, Kangaroo and 7-11 later I finally found a small bag of flour. Luckily it took less time than allotted as Charlie's hotel was farther than I thought it was.

Charlie seemed very happy with his place, which like the place Tracy and I stayed at a little bit back was right on the beach. He had a little kitchen area in his room (excellent when staying for a long period) and several people already seemed to know him as well, stopping us to talk as we were leaving.

Seconds after we arrived at the house it started to pour buckets.

Dinner was just as I remembered them from the past. We ate early so that we could get Charlie back without anyone driving in the dark. We had tons of leftovers for me to live on Thanksgiving Sandwiches until (if possible) I get sick of them.

Mom came with us on the return trip. The rain had stopped but was now back to a slow drizzle, and the sky still looked stormish. In Daytona several street lights weren't working including the corner of International Speedway and A1A, which would have made traffic a nightmare on any other day. Police cars and fire trucks were whizzing everywhere. We would later learn that an F2 tornado had carved a path from Deland to Daytona just slightly ahead of our travels.

The website generated over $400 in orders today, and I decided that it would be best to get ahead of some of the work tonight instead of waiting for the morning. It's a good thing I did, as the masters for one of the sets had gone bad and had to call a friend to overnight some new masters. I recorded everything I could and called Bill to come in in the morning and cut covers, process orders and do the mailing.

12/26/06

I get a call from Sue Gilligan giving me a number to call